The Hardest Things In Life

The hardest things in life are certainly the ones that are most worth the tears, the heart cries, the clenching aches, the feelings of helplessness. The hardest things in life are the ones that you can’t do… but you must. You must through surrender of self. For if you grasp harder to keep yourself it is the same as tossing yourself to the wind where you will be endlessly strewn about, directionless, battered, empty, feet never again meeting solid ground.

The hardest things in life can’t be done by striving, by grasping, by demanding – but only through yielding, following, bending the knee.

What are the hardest things in my life? The things that require death too myself: Being a wife. Being a mama. Producing vibrant relationships with the people I love the most.

The hardest things in life are the only things that are worth living for.

The savor is sweet…

The fragrance ethereal…

The rewards: eternal.

Having tasted the goodness, how can I give up – no matter the struggle, the questions, the unknown.

Why would I ever toss myself to the wind? Yet that is the result of taking offense, refusing to forgive, preferring myself and my own desires…

Why would I let myself spiral downward, ever sinking into miry darkness? Yet that is what happens when rash words slip unguarded from irritated lips, only to land like blows on the shamed ears of precious children. Why would I DARE to give vent to my own frustrated tempers, flaring at the opportunities of self sacrifice… patience… love...

The hardest things in life are most difficult – no, they are impossible – when a portion of yourself remains autonomous, rather than the whole of you delving into the depths of the relationship set before you – unhindered, unfettered, never looking back.

The hardest things in life are the only ones worth living for – worth dying for.

Just as I was sought for, I will seek.

Just as I was lavished on, I will pour out.

Just as I was lifted from miry clay, I will hold out a steady hand in order to raise up, then even launch the fledglings into flight.

I will love them because He first loved me and has lavishly poured Himself into my being, giving me new life that is wholly capable of love… real love. I will yield to His love and return it to Him. For that to happen I need fully face the hardest things in life, not shrinking back, not turning aside but laying myself down… losing my life that it may be found.

Ode to Possum

Well, he came back quite a couple times.

Today, he returned again. It was his last visit.

"Possum, meet Bat. Bat, meet Possum."

Possum won't be meeting anything anymore.

Poor Phinehas,

Our little man that is filled with zeal mingled with compassion.

He cried.

"I wanted him to climb TREES!!!"

At least we didn't eat him.

Fun Things THIS Mama Got To Do:

Make Lydia Belly Laugh For the First Fime. There is no sound quite as delightful as a wee little one giving a throaty, unhindered laugh. To hear it is like listening to a bubbling brook or a warbling summer bird, or to see sunshine dancing through tall leafy trees. And, when YOU are the one tickling and the laughter is a result of YOUR love poured out, in that moment there is nothing that can be more satisfying!

Scare the Feet Off Phinehas. Stealthily, I crept up the stairs, crouching at the top just around the corner from the bathroom; Phin was getting ready for his nap. Happy little boy noises met my ears – hums, growls, and giggles. Right as he rounded the corner, on his way to bed, I ROARED my loudest, most ferocious ROAR possible! Phinehas JUMPED into the air, his mouth wide open with an ear splitting shriek, did a half-twist-with-rapid-feet-kicks-and-arm-waggles, and landed in a heap of hoots and howls of petrified laughter. “You GOT me, Mama!” I sure did, Son!

Track An Opossum Up Over the Hill. It was a bright sunny day. Morning chores and school lessons were over, energy levels were high, and I was just about to bundle up the kids for an outside adventure when I looked out the window and saw a busy old possum, nosing about in the wet dirt under our overgrown Arborvitae (what we call the Cedar Tree). We all rushed to the window to watch as it snuffed around for dropped seeds and whatever else it could find in the only snowless patch of ground available. Phin said I should shoot it so we could eat it, but since I had no humane means of getting rid of the visitor, I instead canceled outdoor activities and we moved on to something else (aren’t possums supposed to be sleeping during the day, anyway?). During naptime, I ventured out to see what became of our marsupial friend. He had rambled over to the pile of campfire wood that we are saving for spring and then moseyed up the hill. Since I WISH I was an Indian (and I just finished reading The Sign of the Beaver) I tried to track it. I followed his swaying tracks across the yard and up the hill, through the dead brown grasses and to the edge of the woods – where, I’m sad to say, I lost the trail (not much of an Indian, eh?). Since it was a bright sunny day with a blue sky and fresh white snow, and since I was now certain that the possum was gone, I bundled up Abbi and Phin and sent them out for some fresh air. They tracked ME up the hill… then ran down whooping like they were Indians! (No, I didn’t whoop!)

Fun Filled Days With Sweet Little Children

It is February. My Father always called February the two-month period between January and March. In February, you are officially getting a little tired of continually bundling up just to go to the mailbox and you begin to fondly dream of mud. (Remind me of that in another 1 ½ months!) You start looking for sounds, sights and smells of spring. So, to chase away the lethargy that threatens to creep in you’ve got to find something fun!

Fortunately, I have four highly energetic, super cute, and very fun filled children. So, what have we been doing?

Well, we learned about tastes – salty, sweet, sour and bitter. After identifying the four tastes (using salt, sugar, lemon and grapefruit seed extract, respectively) I had the kids try a whole bunch of different foods and categorize them. You should have seen the faces! Liam likes the unsweetened cocoa mixed with bakers chocolate (bitter); Phin prefers honey and really doesn’t like the rosehips (texture has always been a big thing for him); Abigail likes salty things – she wanted to eat the whole pile of baking soda after one small lick! And NONE of them likes the dried hops I had them suck on: they put it on their tongues and waited for the flavor to greet them. Simultaneously the hops flowers reappeared on the table as little hands reached for their water.

We’ve been learning the alphabet – well, the sign language alphabet. Believe it or not, Liam is the most fascinated. He can’t really make his hands do what he wants, but he is frequently coming to me with twisted little fingers saying, “A” or “B” or some other letter he fancies. The refrigerator letters are facilitating this nicely!

In spite of the cold, we do go outside fairly regularly – especially when the sun is peeking through the dreary gray clouds. The other day Abbi invented shadow tag: she kept chasing after me saying, “I’m gonna step on your shadow!” I would run away and yelp when she finally stomped on it. The funny thing is that I remember doing that same thing when I was a kid! Now, I don’t have a lot of memories from my childhood, but watching my children has brought a few of them back.

Abigail has been learning to cook (much to the stretching of my patience) and Phin has taken an interest in vacuuming – but only if he gets to use Papa’s little battery operated shop vac. Very handy for getting the ladybugs rounded up and the stairs and baseboards cleaned. This morning, Andrew reminded me that “Boys are task oriented and they thrive on legitimate praise for a job well done.” We will have to get out that vacuum again today!

So, combine the above activities with lots of book-reading, drawing, swinging, running, jumping on the couch, and (of course) folding laundry, and you have a recipe for fun-filled days with sweet little children! (Anyone want to come and visit?

And, for the record the nemesis is conquered – for now. Wanna know how I know? The kids’ drawers are so full that they are hard to open. Maybe now I wont have to do laundry for another week!!! Hooray!!

The Wonder of Young Life

(I wrote this last week some time...)

It is a wonder to open your eyes and behold the world of a child. Colors are brighter, movements are more pristine; sounds are new and exciting (the louder the better) and each new smell is either REALLY good or REALLY bad.

A red cardinal isn’t just red, it is BRIGHT RED and hiding in the tree.

A dove in flight is STRAIGHT while a tufted titmouse SWOOPS like a wave.

A Black Colobus Monkey from East Africa (off of our rain forest CD) sounds like HUGE belches – “But wait! If I belch, I can sound like a monkey!!”

“What’s that smell that I’m smelling?”: The scent of granola, fresh out of the oven and too hot to eat, can be inhaled deeply – and then a cry of “YUMMMM!!!” resonates off the walls making my ears cringe; “That soup smells stinky.” (Ummm, thanks, son.) “*sniff* *sniff* What did you eat?” (They always know when I sneak a treat.)

When I look back over the happenings of a single day I’m dismayed about how much I have missed simply because my mind is too filled with my ‘To Do’ list. I want to teach my children how to observe the things going on around them… but I find that when I slow down, they are the ones to teach me. I want to cultivate an atmosphere of WONDER in our home, of noticing the little details of life that actually make life full and fun. I want my kids to be able to savor each new experience that weaves its way into their lives – but I am only just learning how to do that myself. I want my kids to be able to live life to its fullest. But wait… they probably already are and will continue to as long as I don’t pull and push them into box of ‘supposed to’ and ‘ought to’ and the like. I want to enter their world – and then teach them how to relish every detail, teach them how to extract all the fullness of life that they can.

I want to enter their world and then together, with them, broaden their horizons.

Plus, in their world dirty laundry isn’t a task that needs to be done – it is evidence of a day lived to the max!

Eat Dirt!

The Carpenter and I have decided to start eating dirt - rather, we will be drinking it. I ordered some Bentonite Clay and some Diatomaceous Earth. You mix a bit of each in a glassful of water and drink it down! We just finished our first 'shot.'

I had heard of bentonite clay before - in short, it binds toxins and removed them from your body. People also use it for facial masks, but I will probable never get around to trying that - and I severely doubt I'd ever find Andrew smearing mud on his face (unless he was hunting or being stealthy or something!). I'll let you read about the proclaimed benefits for yourself; just click on the links!

I had also heard of diatomaceous earth (DE). One of the main components in DE is silica, something our bodies need! I had heard of it for pest control - like ants - but only recently learned of the benefits of taking it internally. You'll have to read for yourself the L-O-N-G list of reasons to take DE. (Just click on the link!)

We will have to let you know if we see any results from our dirt eating venture!

Quote for the Day

Phin and Abbi were sitting at the table drinking juice and talking about playing. I think Abbi was trying to teach Phin a new word:

Abbi: "What is a playmate?"

Phin: "Hmmm... I think a playmate is a kind of fruit tree."

But better than that was what Phinehas said after his nap:

"Mama, I want to help."

"Help what, son?"

"I want to help unload the dishwasher."

"Oh... that is nice, but it is already done."

"Then I want a chore!"

"Absolutely!!!"