“In the Grand Scheme of Things”

So much of the frustrations in a woman’s life could be eliminated completely if we would only learn to view our daily happenings in light of “The Grand Scheme of Things.” For example, “In the Grand Scheme of Things” what does it matter if the boys fill in the hole I am making? It is better for them to “help” then to be nagged and scolded to death by a wenchy mama. “In the Grand Scheme of Things” what does it matter if your car is running on fumes and your dear husband drives past the last gas station for the next 4,000 miles? So what if you run out of gas? (Note: this did not happen to me… not yet anyway!) “In the Grand Scheme of Things” so what if your kids drop a pile of bowls and two of them shatter all over the floor? “In the Grand Scheme of Things” what does it matter if, rather than using the bathroom sink, everyone uses the kitchen sink to wash their hands – usually when you are scurrying to get the last touches on tonight’s supper. Most of the things that irritate us women usually are completely meaningless “In the Grand Scheme of Things”. Most of the things that irritate us are things that cause us a little more work, a little more adventure, a little more craziness in our lives. For me, the things that cause excruciating irritation are usually simply affronting my SELF.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the Mathew 16:24-26 which says, “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (emphasis mine).

Denying my SELF is very central to my being a wife and a mama. There are some areas I have had much victory in; others are a daily struggle. There are a lot of things in life that are not bad, in and of themselves, but I find that, most of the time, when I give into them I am merely feeding the latent selfishness that hides within me. The days that I give up (lose) my aspirations and pour myself into loving, instructing, playing with, laughing with, LIVING with my children are the days that are filled with LIFE. On the other hand, the days that I just want to read my book, just want to write my letter, just want to [fill in the blank], just want to live my life (save it) the way I want to, those are the days that I lose it – sometimes literally.

Daily, I need to take up my cross. No – having a family, being married, having a handful of children is NOT my cross. The cross is a place I go to (yes, sometimes begrudgingly and belatedly) in order to put to death the selfishness that would otherwise rob me of fully experiencing the precious childhood years in the lives of my delightful wee ones; they won’t be ‘wee’ for long. The cross is something I willingly take up in order to put to death the selfishness that would exert my ‘rights’ over the beautiful relationship that I have with my beloved husband who cherishes me, oh, so much!

“In the Grand Scheme of Things” a lot of the irritations and frustrations shrivel up and die away once SELF is out of the picture. Then, amazingly, life becomes more full, more joyous, filled with more song, more laughter, more LIFE.

On that note, I have a little girl who would like a book read to her. “In the Grand Scheme of Things” laundry can wait… and so can this blog.

The Hardest Things In Life

The hardest things in life are certainly the ones that are most worth the tears, the heart cries, the clenching aches, the feelings of helplessness. The hardest things in life are the ones that you can’t do… but you must. You must through surrender of self. For if you grasp harder to keep yourself it is the same as tossing yourself to the wind where you will be endlessly strewn about, directionless, battered, empty, feet never again meeting solid ground.

The hardest things in life can’t be done by striving, by grasping, by demanding – but only through yielding, following, bending the knee.

What are the hardest things in my life? The things that require death too myself: Being a wife. Being a mama. Producing vibrant relationships with the people I love the most.

The hardest things in life are the only things that are worth living for.

The savor is sweet…

The fragrance ethereal…

The rewards: eternal.

Having tasted the goodness, how can I give up – no matter the struggle, the questions, the unknown.

Why would I ever toss myself to the wind? Yet that is the result of taking offense, refusing to forgive, preferring myself and my own desires…

Why would I let myself spiral downward, ever sinking into miry darkness? Yet that is what happens when rash words slip unguarded from irritated lips, only to land like blows on the shamed ears of precious children. Why would I DARE to give vent to my own frustrated tempers, flaring at the opportunities of self sacrifice… patience… love...

The hardest things in life are most difficult – no, they are impossible – when a portion of yourself remains autonomous, rather than the whole of you delving into the depths of the relationship set before you – unhindered, unfettered, never looking back.

The hardest things in life are the only ones worth living for – worth dying for.

Just as I was sought for, I will seek.

Just as I was lavished on, I will pour out.

Just as I was lifted from miry clay, I will hold out a steady hand in order to raise up, then even launch the fledglings into flight.

I will love them because He first loved me and has lavishly poured Himself into my being, giving me new life that is wholly capable of love… real love. I will yield to His love and return it to Him. For that to happen I need fully face the hardest things in life, not shrinking back, not turning aside but laying myself down… losing my life that it may be found.

Respect – How?

I have a dear friend who has come to a place in her marriage where she not only knows that she should respect her husband, but she also really wants to. She decided that she was going to step out of her ‘safety net’ and bow before her king, aligning herself beneath his headship. If you’ve never dared to do this, and I mean REALLY do this from the heart - not in mere outward action, then you may know the fear and trembling that was in her. She was absolutely CERTAIN that she would be unleashing a tyrant, a power-hungry dictator who would then walk all over her; she was SURE that by surrendering herself to her husband that she was absolutely nuts (and most today would have agreed). But, she did it anyway.

After she took only ONE initial step to demonstrate her genuine respect and reverence for her husband, she was absolutely astounded to be able to see for the first time ever that her Beloved earnestly desired from the first to love and cherish and adore her… but she had not been in a place to receive it for she had removed herself from the cover of his headship; she had refused to stand in a place where she could receive his love and care for her.

Her account of this experience has reminded me of a couple things:

“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” – Luke 9: 23-24

In order for my sweet friend to enter into the beginnings of a glorious marriage, she had to deny herself. She was so afraid of respecting her man, for fear he would trounce on her, that it really was an act of ‘losing herself’ in order to find what she was looking for; if she had tried to preserve her own will and desire, she would never have found the abundance of love her husband had for her. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

“Hearing you will hear and shall not understand, and seeing you will see and not perceive… but blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear” – Matthew 13:14, 16

My friend had heard that the right thing to do was really respect her husband, to wholly honor him. However, until she stepped out into the unknown she couldn’t see the beauty of a marriage in right order. Though she had heard, she could not understand until she chose to blindly walk in obedience – then her blind eyes were opened and she received sight! Incredible!

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The “how’s” of respect will vary in each marriage. If I were to tell you the things I do and you were to try and emulate them, they probably would not work. The carpenter is a one-of-a-kind man, and the things he recognizes as respectful may be meaningless to your husband. However, there is one thing that I feel is a foundational key to respect and honor and, yes, even that misunderstood word, submission.

The Words You Speak

“She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness” – Proverbs 31:26

I have been reading through Proverbs of late and I am absolutely astounded at how many verses give reference to our speech! When I take heed and pay attention to the words that come out of my mouth, making sure they are life giving and edifying, I am amazed at how much more peaceful my home and heart are. How true that “your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel.” (Proverbs 11:17) Yet, I am often appalled at how easy it is to say cutting, destructive remarks. How often my silent prayer is, “Lord! Help me to be ‘swift to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry!’ (James 1:19)”

You know how easy it is to casually tell a ‘funny’ story about a mistake your husband has made, even if it was years ago. You know how quickly conversation among women turns to revealing minor (and major) faults and flaws in their husbands. These things should not be! And how swift we are to give ‘helpful’ suggestions to our husbands regarding what they do, how they act, the choices they make. If you are honest with yourself, you will be able to admit that your ‘helpfulness’ isn’t anything more than mere nagging – and you wonder why your husband acts annoyed (Proverbs 19:13).

Each person will be called on to give an account for “every idle word” they speak (Matthew 12:33-37). That knowledge is enough to make me want to take a vow of silence! However, that wouldn’t be wholly profitable in the end. Instead, I need to call on the Lord and yield to His workings in my life. I need to daily “set my affections on things above (Colossians 3:2)” and seek wisdom that is from above (James 3:17-18). “If anyone does not stumble in word he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.” (James 3:2 – indeed, read the whole chapter!)

Obviously, the words we speak affect each and every area of our life. I, as a wife, want to speak words of life to my husband. I want to be a joy and a crown to him, not sapping his strength (Proverbs 12:4 NLT). I want to obtain and keep his trust (Proverbs 31:11). I don’t want to be a fool, “venting all my feelings” but rather I want to be found wise, able to “hold my feelings back” (Proverbs 29:11).

So, I encourage you to take heed to the words that come out of your mouth. Are they a source of life, or is death and destruction in your tongue? I challenge you to not speak an unkind, harsh, or negative word to or about your man. Try it even for only a day or two. Check the words before they leave your tongue; if it is not profitable, don’t say it. You may find that you end up often silent – but that is better than tearing down your ‘house’ (your marriage) with your own ‘two hands.’ Guard your mouth and tongue and thereby keep your soul from trouble (Proverbs 21:23)

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Back to my dear friend: She is new to this “bridling of her tongue.” How easy it is to slip into old, familiar habits! If you are used to heedlessly giving voice to every thought that enters your head, this will indeed be a difficult change. My friend, though she has had her share of blunders, has not hardened her heart. She is able to recognize when the words she has spoken have been anything but respectful and she has humbled herself and asked for forgiveness from her husband. That, to me, is beautiful to see. She is giving one of the greatest gifts to her children – a home where Daddy and Mommy love and respect each other. When I hear about and see the change in her I see something majestic and stately: “There are three things which are majestic in pace, yes four which are stately in walk: … a king whose troops are with him.” – Proverbs 30:29-31

Are you with your man?

Out of the Abundance of the Heart...

This morning Abigail was singing another song from her heart, talking about 'Standing on the Rock' and 'loving Jesus' and 'Standing on the rock of His life.' Anyway, intermingled in there, she was singing 'Proverbs 16:1.'

"The preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord." - Proverbs 16:1

As I was thinking about all the times I've tried to get just the right words in order before talking or responding to Andrew about something, I realized how silly of me to have so frequently tried to make what is seen (or heard, in this case) be right while I've neglected my heart! Wow!

If I focus my energies on preparing my heart - laying it bear before the Lord, yielding to His washing and renewing of me, allowing His fruit of the Spirit to have fertile ground on which to grow, I won't need to worry about the actual words I say! The Lord will provide the proper words in the right time. So cool! So for me, and I give it to you, I have a focus shift. Lets spill our energies on preparing our heart to be soft, tender, filled with love and respect - then He will fill our tongues with kindness! [Proverbs 31:26]

"Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." - Matthew 12:34

RESPECT - Why?

RESPECT: (1) A feeling of admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, achievements or qualities (2) The state of being admired in such a way (3) DUE REGARD for the feelings, wishes, rights or traditions of others.

OK – so now we know what respect is, according to the dictionary. Why do men need to be respected? It is how they have been designed. It has been woven into the fabric of their being. After all, they are created in the image of God. Read through the Old Testament to see God’s response to the lack of respect His bride had for Him – He divorced her! [Is 50:1; Jer 3:8] He put her, his adulterous bride, away. Woman – see the potential result of your lack of respect for your husband and fear God. Turn to Him and repent.

I could imagine the serpent whispering in your ear: “What does this have to do with me and my relationship with my husband? Why should I respect him?” It has EVERYTHING to do with you and your man.

“But I want you to know that the head of everyman is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God … he (man) is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man.” – 1 Cor 11:3, 7

That is the God ordained order of headship: God the Father, Christ, husband, wife. Your husband is in an appointed position as your head; he is appointed that position by God Himself. He, your husband, is your king and should be treated as such – not by his own merit, not because of his worth, not because he holds greater importance than you. No. It is simply because THAT IS GOD’S ORDER.

So, WHY should you respect your husband? Because, though it is true that he was created to need your respect, MORE IMPORTANTLY, to NOT respect him is to walk in DISOBEDIENCE to your Creator. Each time you speak with, move with, even think with respect toward your husband, you are walking in obedience to Christ. You are placing yourself in God’s order and thereby under His protection. To NOT do so - to hold onto your pride, walking in disobedience - places you out of order and God Himself will resist you. [1 Pt 5:5]

When you realize and respond to the fact that it is God Himself requiring you to respect your husband, you can move in obedience out of your love for your Savior. Each bit of respect you bestow upon your husband will be an act of worship to your God - more so than 'going to church,' more so than standing and singing 'worship songs,' more so than 'having devotions.'

Woman, search the Scriptures. Find out what God says about your role in marriage. Find out what God says – not Hollywood, not trashy romance novels, not your next door neighbor, not even today’s ‘cultural Christianity.’ Find out what God says. If you are not walking with Him, if you have not been saved by His grace, through faith, if you have not been buried with Him in death and risen with Him to new life, now is your chance. You won’t make it without Him.