You Will Never Guess What We Did Last Night!

Andrew cut my hair! I had trimmed it earlier in the day - the ends were worse than scraggly. Then, as we were brushing our teeth, I showed him the approximate length where my hair started to look just plain bad. "Lets cut it!" he said. So, we did. He cut it just below my shoulders... and then, after it was cut, my slight natural curl started to kick in and it went ABOVE my shoulders! *GASP*

Well, I laughed. And I cried. Then I laughed again. And I cried some more. And then, when I got in bed, I had a full fledged sob session. I know, I know - we women are so fickle! But really - I have NEVER had hair this short! Well, at least not since I was in first grade and my mom put my hair in a pony tail and chopped the pony tail off. Since then, all I've ever had done is a trim. Sure, some trims were longer than others, but never a genuine CHOP!

Today, I like it. I've been reading up on how to grow HEALTHY long hair and what is the first step? Bite the bullet and cut off all the not-so-nice stuff. Well! We accomplished that with excellence!

But, better than me liking it, Andrew does. He says I look, "cute." Now, I've never seen myself as "cute" - I always aspired to be "regal" and "elegant." But, the way the Carpenter looks at me when he says, "you look cute!" makes regal and elegant sound commonplace! Anyway, maybe in a couple of days I'll get up enough courage to post some pictures. We'll see...

Date Night

Here's a new one: Worm Catching.

Yup! The Carpenter... uh... King Worm Catcher and his Lady Robin just got in from hunting Night Crawlers! Golly, I've not done this since I was a kid (and then only once!) I couldn't believe how FAST those suckers were! 3 or 4 would be visible under the light of the flashlight and as soon as you reached for one ZOOM! they were GONE! And when you did grab one, my goodness, they're LONG!

Anyway, that was fun. Next time we'll make it a family event; I'm sure you'll hear giggles and squeals clear across the country!

Random Ramblings

You'd think that since I now have more regular internet access I would post my rambling thoughts more often. I guess not. But here are a few of them, in no particular order:

Summer snow: The cottonwood fluff floating on the warm breeze, sticking to wet, dewy feet in the morning sunlight. I like this snow!

Multiflora Rose: Invasive, persistent, threaded with thorns, choking out other life... but such a heady scent! I can't bring myself to dislike this glorious plant! Now it blossoms in splendor; in the autumn it will be laden with tiny hips, tart on the tongue, full of goodness.

Ice Cream: Whoever invented it was a genius. I hope he died fat and happy.

Lady's Smock: That white and purple fragrant flower that we all call wild phlox. I've had armloads of them brought to me by the children! And there is even one persistent plant growing high up in the crotch of a tree! We had fun imagining the fairies planting it... or the chipmunks... or the birds... or the wind.

Orioles and Full Moons: Last week we had a full moon. The nights were crystal clear and when the moon was at its highest the quiet night was shattered by the voice of the oriole we have nesting in a nearby tree! Incredible music. Breathtaking. Clear, simple, pure, lovely!

Anniversary Apricots: Yesterday was our anniversary! The Carpenter and his wife have been married for 8 years; each grows sweeter than the last. To celebrate we had "Anniversary Apricots" - apricots soaked in brandy with pieces of vanilla intermingled in the jar. They sat for two months; it really was a coincidence that they were ready on our anniversary, but we took advantage of it! They are yummy. Not something that you would necessarily crave and want to consume vast quantities of (like the afore mentioned ice cream). But they are refreshing! If you come and visit, we'll share!

Well, that is all for now, except for a quaint little funny that Abigail said earlier today:

Twice today our Suburban would not start; the battery is old and lacking. So, after the second time, Abigail declared that "Papa needs to get us a new battery. He can get rid of the old one and put the new, baby one in and it can grow up to be BIG and STRONG!!"

“In the Grand Scheme of Things”

So much of the frustrations in a woman’s life could be eliminated completely if we would only learn to view our daily happenings in light of “The Grand Scheme of Things.” For example, “In the Grand Scheme of Things” what does it matter if the boys fill in the hole I am making? It is better for them to “help” then to be nagged and scolded to death by a wenchy mama. “In the Grand Scheme of Things” what does it matter if your car is running on fumes and your dear husband drives past the last gas station for the next 4,000 miles? So what if you run out of gas? (Note: this did not happen to me… not yet anyway!) “In the Grand Scheme of Things” so what if your kids drop a pile of bowls and two of them shatter all over the floor? “In the Grand Scheme of Things” what does it matter if, rather than using the bathroom sink, everyone uses the kitchen sink to wash their hands – usually when you are scurrying to get the last touches on tonight’s supper. Most of the things that irritate us women usually are completely meaningless “In the Grand Scheme of Things”. Most of the things that irritate us are things that cause us a little more work, a little more adventure, a little more craziness in our lives. For me, the things that cause excruciating irritation are usually simply affronting my SELF.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the Mathew 16:24-26 which says, “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (emphasis mine).

Denying my SELF is very central to my being a wife and a mama. There are some areas I have had much victory in; others are a daily struggle. There are a lot of things in life that are not bad, in and of themselves, but I find that, most of the time, when I give into them I am merely feeding the latent selfishness that hides within me. The days that I give up (lose) my aspirations and pour myself into loving, instructing, playing with, laughing with, LIVING with my children are the days that are filled with LIFE. On the other hand, the days that I just want to read my book, just want to write my letter, just want to [fill in the blank], just want to live my life (save it) the way I want to, those are the days that I lose it – sometimes literally.

Daily, I need to take up my cross. No – having a family, being married, having a handful of children is NOT my cross. The cross is a place I go to (yes, sometimes begrudgingly and belatedly) in order to put to death the selfishness that would otherwise rob me of fully experiencing the precious childhood years in the lives of my delightful wee ones; they won’t be ‘wee’ for long. The cross is something I willingly take up in order to put to death the selfishness that would exert my ‘rights’ over the beautiful relationship that I have with my beloved husband who cherishes me, oh, so much!

“In the Grand Scheme of Things” a lot of the irritations and frustrations shrivel up and die away once SELF is out of the picture. Then, amazingly, life becomes more full, more joyous, filled with more song, more laughter, more LIFE.

On that note, I have a little girl who would like a book read to her. “In the Grand Scheme of Things” laundry can wait… and so can this blog.

He Loves Me, Yah, Yah, Yah!!!

Yup. The Carpenter sure loves his woman!

Wanna see what he bought for me?

Now, bread making will be a breeze! And, yes, I've already used it!

It makes REALLY BIG batches of yummy bread. How fun!

Respect – How?

I have a dear friend who has come to a place in her marriage where she not only knows that she should respect her husband, but she also really wants to. She decided that she was going to step out of her ‘safety net’ and bow before her king, aligning herself beneath his headship. If you’ve never dared to do this, and I mean REALLY do this from the heart - not in mere outward action, then you may know the fear and trembling that was in her. She was absolutely CERTAIN that she would be unleashing a tyrant, a power-hungry dictator who would then walk all over her; she was SURE that by surrendering herself to her husband that she was absolutely nuts (and most today would have agreed). But, she did it anyway.

After she took only ONE initial step to demonstrate her genuine respect and reverence for her husband, she was absolutely astounded to be able to see for the first time ever that her Beloved earnestly desired from the first to love and cherish and adore her… but she had not been in a place to receive it for she had removed herself from the cover of his headship; she had refused to stand in a place where she could receive his love and care for her.

Her account of this experience has reminded me of a couple things:

“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” – Luke 9: 23-24

In order for my sweet friend to enter into the beginnings of a glorious marriage, she had to deny herself. She was so afraid of respecting her man, for fear he would trounce on her, that it really was an act of ‘losing herself’ in order to find what she was looking for; if she had tried to preserve her own will and desire, she would never have found the abundance of love her husband had for her. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

“Hearing you will hear and shall not understand, and seeing you will see and not perceive… but blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear” – Matthew 13:14, 16

My friend had heard that the right thing to do was really respect her husband, to wholly honor him. However, until she stepped out into the unknown she couldn’t see the beauty of a marriage in right order. Though she had heard, she could not understand until she chose to blindly walk in obedience – then her blind eyes were opened and she received sight! Incredible!

*******

The “how’s” of respect will vary in each marriage. If I were to tell you the things I do and you were to try and emulate them, they probably would not work. The carpenter is a one-of-a-kind man, and the things he recognizes as respectful may be meaningless to your husband. However, there is one thing that I feel is a foundational key to respect and honor and, yes, even that misunderstood word, submission.

The Words You Speak

“She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness” – Proverbs 31:26

I have been reading through Proverbs of late and I am absolutely astounded at how many verses give reference to our speech! When I take heed and pay attention to the words that come out of my mouth, making sure they are life giving and edifying, I am amazed at how much more peaceful my home and heart are. How true that “your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel.” (Proverbs 11:17) Yet, I am often appalled at how easy it is to say cutting, destructive remarks. How often my silent prayer is, “Lord! Help me to be ‘swift to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry!’ (James 1:19)”

You know how easy it is to casually tell a ‘funny’ story about a mistake your husband has made, even if it was years ago. You know how quickly conversation among women turns to revealing minor (and major) faults and flaws in their husbands. These things should not be! And how swift we are to give ‘helpful’ suggestions to our husbands regarding what they do, how they act, the choices they make. If you are honest with yourself, you will be able to admit that your ‘helpfulness’ isn’t anything more than mere nagging – and you wonder why your husband acts annoyed (Proverbs 19:13).

Each person will be called on to give an account for “every idle word” they speak (Matthew 12:33-37). That knowledge is enough to make me want to take a vow of silence! However, that wouldn’t be wholly profitable in the end. Instead, I need to call on the Lord and yield to His workings in my life. I need to daily “set my affections on things above (Colossians 3:2)” and seek wisdom that is from above (James 3:17-18). “If anyone does not stumble in word he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.” (James 3:2 – indeed, read the whole chapter!)

Obviously, the words we speak affect each and every area of our life. I, as a wife, want to speak words of life to my husband. I want to be a joy and a crown to him, not sapping his strength (Proverbs 12:4 NLT). I want to obtain and keep his trust (Proverbs 31:11). I don’t want to be a fool, “venting all my feelings” but rather I want to be found wise, able to “hold my feelings back” (Proverbs 29:11).

So, I encourage you to take heed to the words that come out of your mouth. Are they a source of life, or is death and destruction in your tongue? I challenge you to not speak an unkind, harsh, or negative word to or about your man. Try it even for only a day or two. Check the words before they leave your tongue; if it is not profitable, don’t say it. You may find that you end up often silent – but that is better than tearing down your ‘house’ (your marriage) with your own ‘two hands.’ Guard your mouth and tongue and thereby keep your soul from trouble (Proverbs 21:23)

*******

Back to my dear friend: She is new to this “bridling of her tongue.” How easy it is to slip into old, familiar habits! If you are used to heedlessly giving voice to every thought that enters your head, this will indeed be a difficult change. My friend, though she has had her share of blunders, has not hardened her heart. She is able to recognize when the words she has spoken have been anything but respectful and she has humbled herself and asked for forgiveness from her husband. That, to me, is beautiful to see. She is giving one of the greatest gifts to her children – a home where Daddy and Mommy love and respect each other. When I hear about and see the change in her I see something majestic and stately: “There are three things which are majestic in pace, yes four which are stately in walk: … a king whose troops are with him.” – Proverbs 30:29-31

Are you with your man?

True Love

True Love is when we have baked potatoes for supper and the carpenter removes the potatoe skin from his potatoe, fills it with a generous portion of butter, seasons it with salt and pepper... then gives it to me - even though I already had one.

Teaching By Example

My! I love my man!

In the early morning of each workday, I get to crawl out of our warm bed and tramp downstairs, all blurry eyed and dream filled. Hot coffee is waiting and, better yet, a warm ‘good morning’ embrace from the Carpenter.

My! I love that man!

He quietly readies himself for work and I quietly ready his lunch, trying to put in delightful treats that not only taste good but are also somewhat healthy. He is usually off 25 – 30 minutes later and I get to stand in the kitchen window watching him pull away. Each day my heart travels up the road with that man; he keeps it well.

My! I love that man!

When the kids get up an hour or so later, the first thing Phin asks is, “Where is Papa?”

“You know son.”

“At work in the city!”

Our children have, in their Papa, a wonderful example of a hard worker. Currently, we are working on teaching diligence to the children – that they may do a job efficiently and well. Actually, it seems like we’ve been working on this for a long while. Sometimes when Phinehas is unloading the dishwasher or sweeping under the table he’ll stop and, with his little chest all puffed out, say, “Am I a dil-i-gent worker, like my wonderful Papa? Am I doing a good job?” Often I can say, “Yes, son! You are doing a wonderful job! You’re growing to be an excellent worker, just like your Papa!” Sometimes I need to say, “Well… no not really. You’re just standing there talking about doing a good job. Hop to it and get working and when you’re done I’ll let you know if you did a diligent job or not.” He is learning, and it is a delight to see him progress (though, if I’m honest, I’d have to say that sometimes it tries my patience as it is a s-l-o-w process!)

Abigail has started doing the breakfast dishes by hand. Yes, we have a dishwasher, but the breakfast dishes are few and it is a good job for her. She is happily doing her job to be a blessing to Papa and to learn how to be a ‘good woman’ some day. When I compliment her, especially when I tell Andrew about her accomplishments, she glows from within! Yes, she is a wonderful helper to me, but I want to teach her how to be pleasing to her Papa – and one day, her husband. She is surely on the right path!

Speaking of Abigail, I now know how I sound when I sing. It isn’t as fair and as lovely as I had hoped! This past spring I had a very bad cough and it really messed up my throat (excuses, excuses!). Since then, I feel as though I cannot sing very loud, nor do I have any semblance of range (not that I had a good one, before!) Anyway, for those of you who know the song In Christ Alone, you may recall that there is a point that the melody jumps a little high: “… What heights of love, what depths of peace, when FEARS are stilled…” Well, when Abbi is singing she jumps about 3 octaves and screeches out the word “FEARS” in a backbone tingling, hair-standing-on-edge, eardrum-bursting squawk that makes me cringe. I want to stop my piano playing and tell her adamantly to stop goofing, each and every time! But, when I look at her little face I can see that she really isn’t trying to be funny! In my heart of hearts I know that she is, yet again, just emulating her mother… teaching by example.

Out of the Abundance of the Heart...

This morning Abigail was singing another song from her heart, talking about 'Standing on the Rock' and 'loving Jesus' and 'Standing on the rock of His life.' Anyway, intermingled in there, she was singing 'Proverbs 16:1.'

"The preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord." - Proverbs 16:1

As I was thinking about all the times I've tried to get just the right words in order before talking or responding to Andrew about something, I realized how silly of me to have so frequently tried to make what is seen (or heard, in this case) be right while I've neglected my heart! Wow!

If I focus my energies on preparing my heart - laying it bear before the Lord, yielding to His washing and renewing of me, allowing His fruit of the Spirit to have fertile ground on which to grow, I won't need to worry about the actual words I say! The Lord will provide the proper words in the right time. So cool! So for me, and I give it to you, I have a focus shift. Lets spill our energies on preparing our heart to be soft, tender, filled with love and respect - then He will fill our tongues with kindness! [Proverbs 31:26]

"Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." - Matthew 12:34

The Radiance of the Moon - the Glory of the Sun

5:30 am - This morning is mild. So mild that, after the Carpenter drove off, I wrapped up in a blanket, took my cup of warming coffee, snagged one of the kiddie-chairs and went to sit in the fading moon and starlight. It was so still. There was a steady breeze, cool, but without a chill. The stars were distant pin pricks of light, dimmed by the light of the moon as she raced to finish her journey across the sky unhindered, for once, by clouds.

The moon – the quiet light that illuminates the night; the quiet light that we would not see, save for her steady gaze at the sun.

If it wasn’t for the sun giving her his radiance, the moon would be dull and dead. The moon is the glory of the sun; when we see her, our thoughts can be rightly drawn to the ruler of the day without diminishing the beauty of the night-orb. The beauty of the moon can remind us of the sun as we eagerly await his dawning.

***

“…he [man] is the image and glory of God: but woman is the glory of man.” – 1 Corinthians 11:7

I want to be as the moon, ever reflecting the radiance of my lord and king – my husband. For though I have surrendered my life to the Lord and King, He has placed me beside this man that I may respect him, honor him, delight him, respond to him – just like the moon responds to the sun. When I stand beside my man, I want to joyously reflect the light and love that he shines on me; when we are apart and others see me, I want them to be able too see and recognize that I am well loved, well cared for, cherished and adored. I want my countenance to ever be lifted up, shining with Andrew’s light. God forbid that I try to shine on my own, separate and distinct from my man, for we are one; when I assert myself as my own I end up dividing what God has joined together – I am then out of order, standing alone and uncovered.

My relationship with my husband is supposed to be a representation of the relationship between Christ and His bride – what a sobering thought! Can you see Christ’s Bride questioning His decisions, His leadership, His way of doing things? No, this would not be right. Neither is it right for me to demand my own and assert my self. Can you see Christ’s Bride taking honor that belongs to the Lord and claiming it as hers? This too would be out of order. Can you see Christ’s Bride standing up and proclaiming that the light she shines with is from herself or because of her worth? No. When that happened, the Lord turned away from the Bride He had redeemed and left her to her own destruction. (See Ezekiel 16) Can you see the moon shining of her own accord, apart from her lord, the sun? No. And neither do I want to stand and shine apart from my beloved. I have tasted the goodness of this wondrous thing called marriage and never do I want to give it up!

***

The sky is beginning to glow. The Creator is dabbing His paintbrush in His wells of rose and tangerine and splashing the soft colors across the sky with broad strokes of His arm. The stars have faded behind the growing blue. But the moon, caught by her radiant lover, turns her pale face for one last kiss before she dips behind the solid hills.

RESPECT - Why?

RESPECT: (1) A feeling of admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, achievements or qualities (2) The state of being admired in such a way (3) DUE REGARD for the feelings, wishes, rights or traditions of others.

OK – so now we know what respect is, according to the dictionary. Why do men need to be respected? It is how they have been designed. It has been woven into the fabric of their being. After all, they are created in the image of God. Read through the Old Testament to see God’s response to the lack of respect His bride had for Him – He divorced her! [Is 50:1; Jer 3:8] He put her, his adulterous bride, away. Woman – see the potential result of your lack of respect for your husband and fear God. Turn to Him and repent.

I could imagine the serpent whispering in your ear: “What does this have to do with me and my relationship with my husband? Why should I respect him?” It has EVERYTHING to do with you and your man.

“But I want you to know that the head of everyman is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God … he (man) is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man.” – 1 Cor 11:3, 7

That is the God ordained order of headship: God the Father, Christ, husband, wife. Your husband is in an appointed position as your head; he is appointed that position by God Himself. He, your husband, is your king and should be treated as such – not by his own merit, not because of his worth, not because he holds greater importance than you. No. It is simply because THAT IS GOD’S ORDER.

So, WHY should you respect your husband? Because, though it is true that he was created to need your respect, MORE IMPORTANTLY, to NOT respect him is to walk in DISOBEDIENCE to your Creator. Each time you speak with, move with, even think with respect toward your husband, you are walking in obedience to Christ. You are placing yourself in God’s order and thereby under His protection. To NOT do so - to hold onto your pride, walking in disobedience - places you out of order and God Himself will resist you. [1 Pt 5:5]

When you realize and respond to the fact that it is God Himself requiring you to respect your husband, you can move in obedience out of your love for your Savior. Each bit of respect you bestow upon your husband will be an act of worship to your God - more so than 'going to church,' more so than standing and singing 'worship songs,' more so than 'having devotions.'

Woman, search the Scriptures. Find out what God says about your role in marriage. Find out what God says – not Hollywood, not trashy romance novels, not your next door neighbor, not even today’s ‘cultural Christianity.’ Find out what God says. If you are not walking with Him, if you have not been saved by His grace, through faith, if you have not been buried with Him in death and risen with Him to new life, now is your chance. You won’t make it without Him.