Asking for Wisdom

The following is a letter I wrote for two friends of mine, both of which are having their first baby later this month.

In a few short weeks you will be holding a brand new life in your arms. This little one, the evidence of the love you share with your husband, will bring much joy, much frustration, much laugher, many tears. There will be days that you soar high, loving each and every moment of motherhood; there will be days when bedtime can’t come quick enough – and as soon as your head hits the pillow you will hear the dreaded cry of, “Mama!” This little one will bring you a new perspective on life – you will see the world through a whole new set of eyes. This little one will bring new beginnings. This little one will bring you to the end of yourself.

When I first had Abigail, I thought I knew it all. Just ask any of the unfortunate parents that had children shortly before Abbi was born. I had all the answers. And then came the arrival of the most beautiful girl ever born. My wisdom lasted a short while… but quickly ran out. Soon the questions started flowing in and all my answers faded into theory. I was left with a numb mind and a baby without a user manual: For your sake, I hope your wee person comes with one – but I doubt you will be so fortunate!

So, here I am today with not only one, but TWO beautiful girls and TWO daring boys. And I have an even greater deficit of answers to an even larger array of questions.

Fortunately, I’ve learned to ask for wisdom:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

~ James 1:5

Now, notice that it says that if you lack wisdom ASK! It may seem silly, but there have been SO many times that I’ve been faced with a problem, vainly wondering WHAT I am to do, frustrated because the wisdom I so desire just plain isn’t coming! Argh! And then I remember, humble myself and simply ask: “Lord, I need Your wisdom. What on EARTH am I supposed to do right now?!” Believe it or not, an answer comes - if I listen for it.

I need to ask for wisdom EVERY DAY. Honestly, I don’t always ask. When I don’t… well, those are the days that Andrew comes home to a crazy Italian woman who has a sever deficit in patience and kindness, and rather than being slow to get angry I’m walking around looking for something to be irked about. Well, I hope I’m not that bad, but there have been days…

Anyway, in my search for wisdom I happened across the following:

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere [without hypocrisy]. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.

~ James 3:17-18

Wisdom from above is pure. When I think of pure, I think of clean – something untarnished by anger or malice, something wholesome and undefiled. Pure.

Wisdom from above is peace loving. That means to me that wisdom from above doesn’t find a mere ‘truce-type’ answer to an argument, but it finds the RIGHT answer; the answer that will yield true and lasting peace for all that are involved.

Wisdom from above I gentle. Hmmm. Gentle. Gentle in voice, gentle in touch. Gentle in word and in deed. Gentle to me is soft and welcoming, pleasant to be around. I want to be gentle for my children! Interestingly, gentleness is also a fruit of the Spirit – I can’t muster up true gentleness. I need to yield to the work of the Holy Spirit in me in order to be gentle, which leads to the next one:

Wisdom from above is willing to yield. Yes, yield to others, but also (in my opinion) willing to yield to the Lord. Yes, Lord. Your way, not mine. I will yield my last bite of cookie to my super cute kid; I will yield my moment of quiet to this screaming baby; I will yield my desires to instead meet the needs of this little life that is dependent on me. I yield…

Wisdom from above is full of mercy: Yes, I know you just dropped the WHOLE STACK OF DISHES which I’ve told you 100 times not to carry all at the same time. How many times do I have to tell you?!? No, mercy says, “Oh, honey. Here. Let me help you clean that mess up. Thanks for trying to help. Next time, try and carry FEWER dishes and take more trips; you’ll be less likely to drop them.” Or, “LOOK, Mama! I picked you a flower off of your plant!” WHAT! MY ONLY FLOWER OFF OF MY JADE PLANT! WHY YOU LITTLE RASCAL, I’VE TOLD YOU 100 TIMES TO NOT TOUCH MY PLANTS! No, mercy says, “Hmmm. Thank you, son. It is a pretty flower isn’t it? See the delicate petals? Why, they look like lace!” (For the record, I failed to walk in wisdom that time.)

Wisdom from above is full of good deeds. Good deeds are books read, towers built, art projects made. Good deeds are cooking together in the kitchen, cleaning together (even when it makes a bigger mess), playing outside. Good deeds take all your time… but in the end, they are worth it… and they are good!

Wisdom from above shows no partiality. It doesn’t choose a favorite – no matter how much one child is irritating you today. It doesn’t exclude. It doesn’t ignore or push away.

Wisdom from above is always sincere. It is without hypocrisy. Wisdom from above says what is meant and means what is said - without sarcasm, without blame, without pouring out shame. It is sincere in love.

So, my friends, you are about to begin one of the hardest things you will ever do. May you heartily embrace this thing called motherhood, and may you never be too proud to cry out for wisdom.