Time to Stop...

This morning I was so blessed and amazed by my little girl – my little girl who is almost 5. As I was changing Lydia’s diaper in the bathroom, I heard the unmistakable *tink* of dishes being banged about. When I entered the kitchen, there was Abigail, with her wispy, bed-tussled hair and a sweet gentle smile on her rosy cheeks as she hummed quietly while emptying the dishwasher - of her own accord. What a source of joy she is to me! I wanted to gobble her up. But then, before the morning had passed, I found myself once more being utterly offended that AGAIN she was trouncing on and bullying her brother – especially when she was supposed to be doing a specific task! I was so frustrated and spoke more harshly than I should have, correcting her in anger rather than with calm justice. Why do I take simple childish things so personally? All I need to do is deal rightly with them as they come, rather than viewing each insurrection as a personal affront. Why is that so hard?

I don’t know. But I so want to change! I so want to have ‘the law of kindness on my lips.’ I so want to speak the truth in love – even and especially to my children! I so want healing to come from my mouth – not destruction. It so grieves me to hear the harshness of my voice echoing back to my burning ears. I wake every morning crying out again to the Lord to please, fill me, guide me, and help me to be swift to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Yet, when I stop… when I pause and wait for Him… He does answer! And when I think back on the past five years of my life as a mama I DO see the marks of His fingers on my heart. I see the places He has molded, shaped and formed. I can look back on my life and see a small part of the picture He is tirelessly weaving, the story He is daily unfolding. I am reminded of His patience, His kindness, His goodness towards me. I know that as I continue to yield to His guidance, His hand, and the challenges He brings me, He will change me so that I am daily being conformed to His image. I then remember that when I stop… when I pause and wait for Him, He is there! Always ready to guide! It is only when I rush heedlessly ahead that I end up tripping on the pitfalls.

So… time to slow down. Time to take a breath and lift my eyes up. Time to stop and listen to the chirp of the birds out back. Time to stop… and fully look at the 1,000^th picture that Abbi has drawn today. Time to stop… and hug little Liam who always says, “I love you” with a “BOO!” Time to stop… and admire the latest engineering marvel built by young master Phinehas. Time to stop… and smile at a Lilly and watch her face blossom and bloom before my eyes. Time to stop… and adore and be adored by the man that has been given to me, my best friend, my closest companion.