Preconceived Notions

Golden sunrays on a cool morning… soft mist nestled amongst the hills… bird calls… the song of crickets… quiet. In the early mornings my heart is hopeful and full of expectation; I’m ready to spend the day pouring my life into my children, teaching them, guiding them, learning with them. By 8 o’clock the breakfast dishes are piled up, three little mouths are running non stop so I can’t decipher what any (other than the loudest) is saying, the tasks of the day (so recently appearing small and manageable) loom before my mind demanding my attention, the necessity of schooling – reading, writing, and ‘rithmatic – nags at the back corners of my mind and I find myself futilely grasping for the last strand of hope and expectation that were enveloping me not 2 hours before. What happened to my quiet?! Not the quiet of noiselessness, but the quiet of my soul, my spirit as it waits expectantly for God?

Ah, the struggle of my life – more difficult, more challenging than my nemesis, Laundry (which, by the way, is NOT piled up… at the moment!) - I struggle to keep the right perspective in being a mom. In order to keep the right perspective, I guess I need to first gain it!

Preconceived Notions:

Just like I had completely false notions of what a “Godly Wife” was supposed to be, I am thoroughly aware that I have a very wrong understanding of what a “Godly Mom” is supposed to be. I thought that a Godly Mom would always know what to do, would always know what to say, would be able to accomplish all the things that need to be done during the day… and still not neglect one book reading, one bumped knee, one question of “why?”, one chance to push a kid on the swing, one school lesson. I always thought that a Godly Mom was always filled with unwavering, tangible patience, would always know how to handle each new phase of parenting with confidence, would always be bubbling over with joy… just because she was godly. I’m thinking I was wrong.

Recently I’ve been realizing that being a godly mom isn’t easy. It is easy to give into hormonal shifts, hurt feelings, exasperation at re-re-re-teaching a child how to do something, offense at the tone of voice your child uses (when they themselves don’t know how to handle their own developing emotions.) It is easy to take each offense personally instead of removing my feelings from the situation and viewing the heart of the matter. It is easy to look on the surface of any given situation and try to make things look ‘pretty’ while at the same time neglecting the heart – the heart of the child as well as my own heart (kind of like whited sepulchers).

So, I’m starting to think that being a godly mom has less to do with ease and perfection (duh!) and more to do with the moment by moment choices; choices to NOT give into rising anger, but to put it off and put ON patience and love; choices to pause… and view the entire situation instead of just the visible evidence; choices of what is important today, what can be left to tomorrow, and what just plumb needs to be forgotten; choices to stop the tasks at hand to give quiet, patient instruction (again) rather than a quick, sharp rebuke; choices to remain in the rest, the peace, the hope that Christ gives.

I’m starting to think that the moms I see and admire don’t have it all together like I thought… but have learned to let Christ be strong in their weaknesses, rather than stubbornly pushing ahead and refusing to acknowledge that any weakness exists (yes, I’d have a LOT of experience with that! It ties into the “whited sepulcher effect”). I’m thinking that the moms I see and admire have struggled with sin, resisting it to the point of death – the death of self – rather than just thinking and talking about doing it. I’m thinking that the moms I see and admire are wise, not because they know it all, but because they are able to listen to correction without having their pride hurt (maybe because they have surrendered their pride!)

I’ve been thinking about the passage in Ephesians 5 when it talks about husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the Church. What an amazing thing! For the longest while I was thinking about it as a wife (the Carpenter’s wife, to be exact), but the other day I was lying on my bed with peace, hope, and expectation shattered (it wasn’t even 8:00!), calling out to the Lord when that passage came to mind: “Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle of any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:25-27) I thought of this and called out to Jesus that He would draw me unto Himself and wash me, sanctify me, cleanse me… that He could present me to Himself clean, holy, unblemished. Therein I found a place of rest that actually lasted throughout the day! The next day, I forgot to go there. Today, I will not.

My children are a treasure. The greatest hindrance to my relationship with them is not them, but rather me. I want to pour my life into those little treasures while I may.

Well… off to begin my day!