Thinking on Children - Reproof

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings a mother to shame.” - Proverbs 29:15

Day in day out I am thinking about my children; how couldn’t I? Currently, they are my life. I wake to the sounds of children, their laughter following me throughout the house as I begin the morning. I eat breakfast with sleepy eyes while vibrantly awake children sit next to me, filled with energy I never had. Children flock around me as we do morning chores, children run around as we have school time, children ask constant questions, chatter endlessly, and yes, children act childish. Children sing, children jump, children flit from one thing to the next. Children share and sometimes they don’t, children give and sometimes they take. Children play with each other and children push each other away. How on earth am I to direct these children?

Frequently I find myself asking the Lord why He didn’t provide a manual with each child. They are so different! How can such different personalities, different characters, different little beings come from the same two people? And I only have four! Daily I need to ask for wisdom: wisdom to answer Phinehas’s many questions, wisdom to understand Abigail’s emotions as they are slowly being unveiled (O! How they mirror mine!), wisdom to know what on earth Liam is saying, even wisdom to know why Lydia is fussing. I yearn for wisdom to direct and guide my children as they grow, leading them towards independence and the ability to stand on their own two feet. I need wisdom to equip them to face challenges yet unthought of, for who can tell what the future holds for this generation of little children? My mind often focuses on the final product, always looking for the end in view, yet so frequently forgetting the process. Now, I do believe it is very important to have an end in view; otherwise, how can you know which path you want to take today? Which brings me full circle: Day in day out I am thinking about my children.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how most parents I know want the similar things at this phase in life: Don’t whine. Don’t scream. Please share. Do NOT hit your brother. Please stay on task!!! Speak kindly, please. Tell the truth. Pick up your toys. And on and on it goes! It seems to me that it is not enough to want these (and other) things. It is not enough to discipline when a child does what is wrong. I need to instruct and direct my children to act and speak rightly. I can say “Don’t whine” or “Please share” till it echoes off the walls and hills around me, but I need to realize that my children don’t come with that natural tendency! Naturally, they whine. Naturally, they are selfish. Naturally, they speak harshly. Naturally, they look out for themselves. Don’t we all? We just have found ways to do this (and other things) in ‘socially acceptable’ manners. Ouch. It seems that as I teach my children, the Lord is teaching me.

So, what do I need to do? Well, instead of flying off the handle each time they misstep, I need to slow down (where have I heard that before?) and teach them, training them to do the right thing. For example, when each child was little we wanted them to be able to ask for something without fitting. So, we taught them to say, “please” in sign language. For the LONGEST while (longer with some than with others) this consisted of myself or the carpenter saying, “No whining. Say, ‘please may I have my drink?’” Then we would take their little hand and make them sign ‘please.’ “Good boy! Here is your cup!” Very tedious, but very worth it.

Somehow I had lost sight of this lesson. I have found myself getting fed up when the children forget how to properly interact with each other. I find myself acting and speaking with frustration rather than with patience and love – and that is NOT what I want to teach! I know that I need to take the time to walk each child through the tough moments of their day, showing them how to handle their emotions, their wants, their hurts, their fears. I need to equip them to turn to Jesus and ask Him for wisdom, to ask Him for help to do the right thing. I can’t just demand that they do the right thing when, frankly, they don’t naturally know how. But then, once they DO know how and have shown that they are capable of doing and saying the right thing, they need to be held accountable. Often a simple reminder such as, “Abbi, your voice is getting angry; please change your heart” works wonders. Other times I need to get on the floor with Phin and Liam and walk them through some tough interaction, showing them what to do and telling them what to say: “Liam, do not whine and through a fit! Say, ‘Phinny, please stop!’ (‘Inny, eese OP!’) Good. Now say, ‘May I please have my tractor back?’ (Eese, actr ack?) That is better. Lets try again.” Sometimes everyone (mama included) simply needs a break. When I sense a little to much heat in the air I often will say, “OK, children! Time to clean up!” Or, I will call the perpetrator to me for a timeout next to my feet (especially when they know better).

So, that is what I’ve been thinking about lately! “The rod and reproof give wisdom.” I don’t know what reproof really is; I couldn’t find it in the dictionary. But to me, reproof is taking the time to correct improper behavior by showing my children what the proper behavior is. Just like I can’t tell Abbi to go to the piano and play Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven without first teaching her the basics, I can’t tell my children to be kind without teaching them how. Someone once told me that training is like a train with many cars: Doing the same thing over and over and over again… and then again. O God, grant me the right tools to train up my children!!!