Asking for Wisdom

The following is a letter I wrote for two friends of mine, both of which are having their first baby later this month.

In a few short weeks you will be holding a brand new life in your arms. This little one, the evidence of the love you share with your husband, will bring much joy, much frustration, much laugher, many tears. There will be days that you soar high, loving each and every moment of motherhood; there will be days when bedtime can’t come quick enough – and as soon as your head hits the pillow you will hear the dreaded cry of, “Mama!” This little one will bring you a new perspective on life – you will see the world through a whole new set of eyes. This little one will bring new beginnings. This little one will bring you to the end of yourself.

When I first had Abigail, I thought I knew it all. Just ask any of the unfortunate parents that had children shortly before Abbi was born. I had all the answers. And then came the arrival of the most beautiful girl ever born. My wisdom lasted a short while… but quickly ran out. Soon the questions started flowing in and all my answers faded into theory. I was left with a numb mind and a baby without a user manual: For your sake, I hope your wee person comes with one – but I doubt you will be so fortunate!

So, here I am today with not only one, but TWO beautiful girls and TWO daring boys. And I have an even greater deficit of answers to an even larger array of questions.

Fortunately, I’ve learned to ask for wisdom:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

~ James 1:5

Now, notice that it says that if you lack wisdom ASK! It may seem silly, but there have been SO many times that I’ve been faced with a problem, vainly wondering WHAT I am to do, frustrated because the wisdom I so desire just plain isn’t coming! Argh! And then I remember, humble myself and simply ask: “Lord, I need Your wisdom. What on EARTH am I supposed to do right now?!” Believe it or not, an answer comes - if I listen for it.

I need to ask for wisdom EVERY DAY. Honestly, I don’t always ask. When I don’t… well, those are the days that Andrew comes home to a crazy Italian woman who has a sever deficit in patience and kindness, and rather than being slow to get angry I’m walking around looking for something to be irked about. Well, I hope I’m not that bad, but there have been days…

Anyway, in my search for wisdom I happened across the following:

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere [without hypocrisy]. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.

~ James 3:17-18

Wisdom from above is pure. When I think of pure, I think of clean – something untarnished by anger or malice, something wholesome and undefiled. Pure.

Wisdom from above is peace loving. That means to me that wisdom from above doesn’t find a mere ‘truce-type’ answer to an argument, but it finds the RIGHT answer; the answer that will yield true and lasting peace for all that are involved.

Wisdom from above I gentle. Hmmm. Gentle. Gentle in voice, gentle in touch. Gentle in word and in deed. Gentle to me is soft and welcoming, pleasant to be around. I want to be gentle for my children! Interestingly, gentleness is also a fruit of the Spirit – I can’t muster up true gentleness. I need to yield to the work of the Holy Spirit in me in order to be gentle, which leads to the next one:

Wisdom from above is willing to yield. Yes, yield to others, but also (in my opinion) willing to yield to the Lord. Yes, Lord. Your way, not mine. I will yield my last bite of cookie to my super cute kid; I will yield my moment of quiet to this screaming baby; I will yield my desires to instead meet the needs of this little life that is dependent on me. I yield…

Wisdom from above is full of mercy: Yes, I know you just dropped the WHOLE STACK OF DISHES which I’ve told you 100 times not to carry all at the same time. How many times do I have to tell you?!? No, mercy says, “Oh, honey. Here. Let me help you clean that mess up. Thanks for trying to help. Next time, try and carry FEWER dishes and take more trips; you’ll be less likely to drop them.” Or, “LOOK, Mama! I picked you a flower off of your plant!” WHAT! MY ONLY FLOWER OFF OF MY JADE PLANT! WHY YOU LITTLE RASCAL, I’VE TOLD YOU 100 TIMES TO NOT TOUCH MY PLANTS! No, mercy says, “Hmmm. Thank you, son. It is a pretty flower isn’t it? See the delicate petals? Why, they look like lace!” (For the record, I failed to walk in wisdom that time.)

Wisdom from above is full of good deeds. Good deeds are books read, towers built, art projects made. Good deeds are cooking together in the kitchen, cleaning together (even when it makes a bigger mess), playing outside. Good deeds take all your time… but in the end, they are worth it… and they are good!

Wisdom from above shows no partiality. It doesn’t choose a favorite – no matter how much one child is irritating you today. It doesn’t exclude. It doesn’t ignore or push away.

Wisdom from above is always sincere. It is without hypocrisy. Wisdom from above says what is meant and means what is said - without sarcasm, without blame, without pouring out shame. It is sincere in love.

So, my friends, you are about to begin one of the hardest things you will ever do. May you heartily embrace this thing called motherhood, and may you never be too proud to cry out for wisdom.

Quote for the Day

The following must be a result of having a nursing mother in the house!

After supper, while eating oranges:

Abbi: "OOooo! Can I have a baby orange, too?"

Me: "Sure, if there is one."

Abbi: "We mostly have mama oranges, right?"

Me: "Uh huh."

Phin: "And Papa oranges?"

Abbi: "No. Just mama oranges 'cause they're filled with the goodness that we get to eat!"

Family Life - there is nothing like it!

The past couple of days the kids have been filled with imagination: They have built houses, cooked meals, and taken care of horses. They've jumped off of houseboats with barrels tied to their backs (like in "Ping, the Duck"), driven to the store in their couch-car to buy colorful milk, and been wild indians. It is fun to watch them play together and even better to listen to them laugh! They are growing so fast and changing everyday.

It is fun to rediscover the world through their eyes - when I take the time to do so. Everything is so fresh and new. The other day a wee little gold finch hit the window and was stunned. I went outside, picked it up and brought it in. Each of the kids, save Lydia, had a chance to hold the delicate creature. Their energy filled world slammed to a stop and they suddenly moved in slow motion, quietly cupping their hands as they waited their turn to gently grasp the little bird. Loud laughing voices were suddenly silenced into whispered "Ooo's" and "Aahhhhs." They watched his rapid breath and giggled at the quick movements of his tail.

Right now, the memory of that quiet and contained energy is far away - a distant thought that is more like a yearned for dream: there are squawks and screeches, peels of laughter and loud growls as three children are vainly trying to get onto the couch - the couch that their Papa is lounging on. King of the couch, mayhaps? Life is so much more fun with a Papa at home!

Lydia has started 'talking' to the kids. She will sit in her little chair and make very girly yowls and yells in her high-pitched voice, demanding their attention. They will start laughing and giggling and she will call all the more. She breaks into wide grins each time one of them pauses to give her a momentary smile or greeting; they grin right back, thoroughly enjoying being the recipient of her affection. (Who wouldn't?!)

Truly, I am enjoying this role as mama. The more I embrace it the better it gets; the more I try to keep a bit of 'time to my self' or demand QUIET! the more frustrated I become.

So, since just about everyone under the sun makes new goals for the New Year, I thought I would share some of mine:

• - Be swift to listen - to my children, my husband, anyone who is talking
• - Stop and look, I mean REALLY look, at the things my children notice
• - Enjoy the things they (my kids) enjoy
• - Say, "Sure" more often, even when it is an inconvenience to me
• - Smile
• - Laugh
• - Be Joyful

Speaking of the New Year, wanna know what we did New Year's Eve? Well, just like any intelligent parent of four wily children that have no regard for adults who would like to sleep in, we went to bed! At 9:30. And we DID sleep in... til around 7:10! So far this year we have had fun company, gone sledding, played games, enjoyed yummy meals, and even gone to a museum!

Now, I need to go do dishes. I would like to have them fade into last year's memory but they followed me into 2010. O well! Dishes and laundry seem to be irremovably intwined with my existence. Maybe I should try embracing them as well??? Eh. I think I'll just endure. *grin!*

Blender-Ready Breakfast

I am beginning to get used to my new mixer/blender. Very used to it. When it came, included in the package was a book of recipes especially designed to be used with the Bosch mixer. We have found a couple that we really like! I see no reason you couldn't make these in any old blender, so I thought I'd share!

Blender Pancakes

Put 1 c milk in blender

Add 3/4 c wheat kernels

Blend on high, 4 minutes

Add:

2 eggs

2 T honey

1/4 c oil (we use melted butter)

2 tsp baking powder

3/4 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

Blend until mixed.

Cook on griddle.

YUM!

Since this batter is a little thinner than your typical pancake batter, we put it into our 2 c Pyrex measure and pour it out onto our big ol' cast iron griddle. This is a fantastic way to get the benefit of your whole grain without the need to grind it ahead of time.

Instead of plain old orange juice, I made "Orange Julius." In order to make this, you have to get over the thought that milk and orange juice don't mix. Instead, think of a nice yummy creamsicle. We thought of our friends Marlin and Darla, who make a similar drink and serve it in lovely gobblets after the children are in bed. Here is the recipe:

Orange Julius

1 cup milk

1 cup water

1 (6oz) can frozen orange juice concentrate

1/2 cup sugar (we used ~1/3)

1 tsp vanilla

12 ice cubes

Add ingredients to Bosch blender.

Pulse momentarily 5 or 6 times.

Blend on high till smooth.

The only problem we had with this recipe is that we didn't have a 6 oz container of OJ concentrate; we only had a 12 oz. So, what do we do with the left overs? Make another batch!!

Indians in the House

Throughout the day, I usually am mother to a vast array of people and creatures. I often have baby goats, baby kittens, big lions, and water buffalo. I'm sure to find at least one little dog crawling around at some point during the day and not a day passes without a heard of wild horses galloping across the plains of carpet. When I don't have creatures crawling I have soaring cowboys on flying horses or indians creeping. Other times I have gypsies driving a great couch car across the ocean to Africa.

This morning, as I was luxuriating in bed, I heard the pitter-patter of little Liam feet coming from the boys' bedroom. From downstairs came a soft whistle, a call from the Papa Indian (who had gotten out of bed a short while before.) A soft, excited whisper of "Papa!" answered the whistle, then the little footsteps rapidly thumped down the stairs. It wasn't long till little Phinny Indian arose and was also greeted by an indian whistle; he too crept downstairs with little stomps.

I was thinking how great a Papa my kids have - how fun and loving - and I decided to join my chief and my little indian braves. This squaw knows how to creep quietly so I snuck down the stairs. As I descended, my nose was greeted with the sweet smell of homemade incense: mullein leaf mingled with pine needles to chase away a nasty cold that is trying to settle in our chests.

I have a whole collection of dried mullein plants that I harvested from the hill behind my father-in-law's house at the end of the summer; he sure had a bumper crop! They are hanging upside-down out on the front porch. At anytime, I can go out and grab some leaves and part of the stalk and set fire to them. They smolder fairly nicely and fill the house with a sweet smelling smoke that, amazingly, begins to break up the nasty phlegm that tries to reside in your chest. Mullein will help break up a tight cough and also expedite the drying up of a loose, lingering cough. It is a fantastic herb! You can also combine it with coltsfoot or pine needles to enhance the cough-kicking properties.

So, this family of gypsy-indians sat around the table this morning smelling sweet mullein and eating yummy apples and sipping tasty coffee.

Catch Up...

A friend of mine recently had a “Catch Up” post on her blog, so I thought I would follow suit. Where have we been? What have we been doing?

Well, we’ve been at home, most of the time. And apart from the usual repetitive business, we’ve been getting ready for Christmas! Lets see. On Friday, my mom (Mima) and my Aunt (the one that gave us the super cool sled) came over to make cookies. Aunt Chris has a huge collection of cookie cutters that are super fun. She has a car, an aardvark, an itty-bitty piglet, a teapot, a hammer, a loooong necked goose, a moth, some funky birds, a trout and many many more that I can’t remember. Not only does she have a fantastic collection of cookie cutters, but she made me feel not alone in this world: she forgot to bring the cookie dough that she had made the night before! She felt pretty awful, as I would have, but the kids could have cared less. Abigail and Phinehas pulled out the paper and colored pencils and while I mixed up a couple batches of dough, Chris, Mima and the kids traced the cookie cutters and made fun pictures. Then we made the cookies, and even burned a batch (since I, again, forgot to set the timer – the birds got those). That was fun.

In the afternoon while the kids were sleeping and the Carpenter became I.T. support for some friends of ours, I went sledding. There was barely a sugar dusting of snow, but it was more than enough for ‘Snow Skimmer’ (I also thought to name the sled ‘Buttercup’ but ‘Snow Skimmer’ sounds more adventurous). After a couple runs down the hill I had a fabulously frightening idea: I should tramp into the woods and go down the logging road that follows the BIG hill behind our house! So off I went, with much fear and trepidation. I had visions of myself splattering into tall trees or being launched into the crisp air – finally flying – only to rapidly meet my demise as the ground came up to meet me. But, I pressed on. To get to the bottom of the logging road you have to follow a short path that the Carpenter bushwhacked earlier this summer. It goes through a lovely stand of black raspberry bushes that we frequented in sunny weather; now it is a tangle of thorny brambles, just waiting for the wayward sledder! This little path takes a slight turn to the right as it connects to the logging road, which has a gentle incline for a short way. It then rapidly rises until it crests ‘Heart Attack Hill’ far off in the distance (‘Heart Attack Hill’ is what the local hunters call the hill behind our house, since it is so steep). Where the gentle incline meets the beginning of the rapid rise there was a long tree laying across the path. “Ahhh! A way of escape from my folly!” said one part of me. The other part, the part with long, stubborn mule ears, let go of the sled and in a heroic effort, moved the tree to the side. I then went up the hill. I went up a very short way. A very, very short way. But it was enough for me! I settled on my sled and skimmed down the snowy hill weaving around the trees that were trying to grab me. At the bottom, where the logging road meets the bushwhacked path, I chickened out and put on my ‘breaks.’ I probably could have made the turn, but the vision of me splattering on trees prevailed over all stubborn daring. Very pleased with myself, I stomped out of the woods and went for another run down the hill that ends in the road before going inside to my lovely family.

That was Friday.

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On Saturday we went shopping. I won’t go into the tedious details of this venture, but I did want to mention that the Carpenter is exceedingly amazing: Since the Temple of Materialism and Unfair Commerce (aka WalMart) was swarming like an anthill, I went in all by myself. Andrew took all four children to Wegmans. They wandered around, finding the Ritz crackers and Nabisco Chocolate Wafers and playing with the live lobsters for and hour and a half. Yes. I was trapped in brain-sucking Wally-World for 1 ½ hours, and that was WITH a list! (I am certain that they lay out their store in such a manner that everything is in obscure places requiring you to walk throughout the ENTIRE store more than once while vainly trying to find what is on your list. That is when MOST people abandon their lists and pick up things they didn’t know they needed.) I managed to escape with almost everything I intended to get (they just don’t have warm fuzzy socks for kids!) and I still had a few brain-cells that hadn’t succumbed to the electromagnetic waves and the glare of the fluorescent lights. Anyway, I’ve never been so happy to go to Wegmans!

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On Sunday, we went to a Christmas Party with Andrew’s mom’s side of the family. It was very nice to visit with people we hadn’t seen in ages. The children had a good time playing with the children from other growing families.

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Now, we are counting down til Christmas! Our house is quaintly decorated with candles and greenery, white paper snowflakes and snowmen (and a worm that Phin made out of a bunch of white circles), and a big ol’ kid-colored poster filled with different details surrounding Jesus’ birthday. Abbi has been wrapping the various little homemade gifts that she has been working on. Phinehas keeps drawing picture for his Papa… and then cutting them up with the scissors; I need to help him finish one of these ‘projects’. I am trying to keep the house looking somewhat quaint and clean while finishing up the last bits of baking, and I need to work on making Jesus’ birthday cake (Abbi’s idea) – we all are certain that He would love an ice cream cake, and none of us object!

Enjoy Jesus’ Birthday, everyone!

Thinking on Children - Reproof

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings a mother to shame.” - Proverbs 29:15

Day in day out I am thinking about my children; how couldn’t I? Currently, they are my life. I wake to the sounds of children, their laughter following me throughout the house as I begin the morning. I eat breakfast with sleepy eyes while vibrantly awake children sit next to me, filled with energy I never had. Children flock around me as we do morning chores, children run around as we have school time, children ask constant questions, chatter endlessly, and yes, children act childish. Children sing, children jump, children flit from one thing to the next. Children share and sometimes they don’t, children give and sometimes they take. Children play with each other and children push each other away. How on earth am I to direct these children?

Frequently I find myself asking the Lord why He didn’t provide a manual with each child. They are so different! How can such different personalities, different characters, different little beings come from the same two people? And I only have four! Daily I need to ask for wisdom: wisdom to answer Phinehas’s many questions, wisdom to understand Abigail’s emotions as they are slowly being unveiled (O! How they mirror mine!), wisdom to know what on earth Liam is saying, even wisdom to know why Lydia is fussing. I yearn for wisdom to direct and guide my children as they grow, leading them towards independence and the ability to stand on their own two feet. I need wisdom to equip them to face challenges yet unthought of, for who can tell what the future holds for this generation of little children? My mind often focuses on the final product, always looking for the end in view, yet so frequently forgetting the process. Now, I do believe it is very important to have an end in view; otherwise, how can you know which path you want to take today? Which brings me full circle: Day in day out I am thinking about my children.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how most parents I know want the similar things at this phase in life: Don’t whine. Don’t scream. Please share. Do NOT hit your brother. Please stay on task!!! Speak kindly, please. Tell the truth. Pick up your toys. And on and on it goes! It seems to me that it is not enough to want these (and other) things. It is not enough to discipline when a child does what is wrong. I need to instruct and direct my children to act and speak rightly. I can say “Don’t whine” or “Please share” till it echoes off the walls and hills around me, but I need to realize that my children don’t come with that natural tendency! Naturally, they whine. Naturally, they are selfish. Naturally, they speak harshly. Naturally, they look out for themselves. Don’t we all? We just have found ways to do this (and other things) in ‘socially acceptable’ manners. Ouch. It seems that as I teach my children, the Lord is teaching me.

So, what do I need to do? Well, instead of flying off the handle each time they misstep, I need to slow down (where have I heard that before?) and teach them, training them to do the right thing. For example, when each child was little we wanted them to be able to ask for something without fitting. So, we taught them to say, “please” in sign language. For the LONGEST while (longer with some than with others) this consisted of myself or the carpenter saying, “No whining. Say, ‘please may I have my drink?’” Then we would take their little hand and make them sign ‘please.’ “Good boy! Here is your cup!” Very tedious, but very worth it.

Somehow I had lost sight of this lesson. I have found myself getting fed up when the children forget how to properly interact with each other. I find myself acting and speaking with frustration rather than with patience and love – and that is NOT what I want to teach! I know that I need to take the time to walk each child through the tough moments of their day, showing them how to handle their emotions, their wants, their hurts, their fears. I need to equip them to turn to Jesus and ask Him for wisdom, to ask Him for help to do the right thing. I can’t just demand that they do the right thing when, frankly, they don’t naturally know how. But then, once they DO know how and have shown that they are capable of doing and saying the right thing, they need to be held accountable. Often a simple reminder such as, “Abbi, your voice is getting angry; please change your heart” works wonders. Other times I need to get on the floor with Phin and Liam and walk them through some tough interaction, showing them what to do and telling them what to say: “Liam, do not whine and through a fit! Say, ‘Phinny, please stop!’ (‘Inny, eese OP!’) Good. Now say, ‘May I please have my tractor back?’ (Eese, actr ack?) That is better. Lets try again.” Sometimes everyone (mama included) simply needs a break. When I sense a little to much heat in the air I often will say, “OK, children! Time to clean up!” Or, I will call the perpetrator to me for a timeout next to my feet (especially when they know better).

So, that is what I’ve been thinking about lately! “The rod and reproof give wisdom.” I don’t know what reproof really is; I couldn’t find it in the dictionary. But to me, reproof is taking the time to correct improper behavior by showing my children what the proper behavior is. Just like I can’t tell Abbi to go to the piano and play Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven without first teaching her the basics, I can’t tell my children to be kind without teaching them how. Someone once told me that training is like a train with many cars: Doing the same thing over and over and over again… and then again. O God, grant me the right tools to train up my children!!!